Do y’all remember the transitive property from math? Here’s a refresher (though I’m sure you don’t need it): If a=b and b=c, then a=c.
From the Savana Redding case (the one on whether schools may strip-search their students), we know that some school officials consider ibuprofen in the same class as heroin.
A couple of months ago, a Virginia girl was suspended from school for possession of birth control pills. Gasp! They are obviously as dangerous as ibuprofen! The Pill can cause clots; ibuprofen can cause bleeding.
Ergo, the Pill is as dangerous as heroin; a=b=c.
Now, the girl from Virginia has turned the tables in the smartest way possible, by mocking her school’s lunacy. She went on Colbert and just deadpanned her way through her story. Her mom, on the other hand, could hardly keep from busting up. I loved them both.
It’s the sort of story that Colbert is wont to make up – except this one was all true.
My husband’s comment: Do we have to worry about the Bear being busted at school for having a Lactaid in his backpack?
My reply: I really don’t know.
Patron cat of Kittywampus (1985-2001)
Colbert rocks! It’s great having him and you and feministing.com drawing this sillyness to our collective attention. His last line was priceless!
It was also interesting to read the Washington Post article on the topic: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/04/04/AR2009040402591.html
I feel slightly less sympathetic having learned that the girl would have known the rules and that she took a calculated risk.
I am not sure I see the logic in the rules themselves, though. A bigger punishment for taking a prescription pill than an illicit drug?!? And the same as bringing a handgun? (And, good heavens, why only a 10 day suspension for bringing a handgun to school — that should be a permanent expulsion as well as being referred to the police for prosecution.)
The most bizarrely bureaucractic bit, though, was this: “They are concerned about liability and safety. Any pills, even nonprescription pills, could be shared with another student who has allergies.”
So… if allergies are the concern (and who is allergic to synthetic hormones, anyway?), then why not ban all potential allergens. Eg, all nuts and nut products? (My son’s preschool does this — does this girl’s school?)
What about raspberries, chocolate, honey, or any other normally innocent substance that has been known to cause the odd person a severe allergic reaction?
I’m also a bit weirded out by the whole obsessive control nature of this. Apparently, teachers need to know what students are placing in their mouth at any given time.
Why? Because some might be placing illicit substances? Where does it stop? Mandatory blood tests for every student every day? Cavity searches? What if a student is a drug mule with a stash of pills in a condom in his stomach? Would they school board be liable if they knowingly permitted that possibility? If they wanted to avoid liability, perhaps all students should have daily abdominal X-rays, too.
I don’t blame the board. They were given the mandate to do this by the state. And that a whole state legislature would think that this was appropriate makes even less sense to me.
How nutty is all of this? Anyone who wanted to take illicit substances could do so easily enough by doing it in toilet stalls, hiding their pills in food or drink, getting friends to cover for them, or simply being a bit more careful than this girl was.
Such a climate of control and fear could well be enough to push some students over the edge and into the arms of drugs!
Mark, I’ve always felt that the hysteria about drugs is a major element in making kids curious about them. I recall a little comic-book style pamphlet from my first or second grade class, which purported to show the effects of an LSD trip. I thought the visuals were cool. No, I didn’t try drugs in third grade, but …
Ahem. The schools too often try to exercise control over the bodies of the students. Maybe the metaphor “student body” gets taken too far. I don’t know. At any rate, I wrote about this in connection with the Savana Redding case, and I think it’s a widespread phenomenon.
As far as the student violating the rules: If I were 17, I am dead sure I’d rather take a minimal risk of discovery than have to go to the school nurse every day AND have everyone know my business. Being on birth control is something girls today take somewhat more casually and openly than previous generations (well, my generation, late 70s/early 80s). But I can sure understand not wanting the principal, teachers, etc. to know. Some of those folks are going to be judgmental. And it’s precisely the honors students who are motivated to preserve their “good” reputation.
Also, the girl and her mom were concerned about taking the pill at the same time daily for maximum effectiveness. Now, I usually took mine in the evening – because my mornings were too variable. (I loved to sleep in, and still do when I can.) But lunch is an eminently sensible choice of time; it won’t vary from day to day. It burns me that girls who are being *responsible* about preventing pregnancy even have to face a choice about following the rules and sacrificing their privacy, or breaking the rules and risking expulsion!
Thanks for letting me rant a little more, my friend.